Family

They say, “Blood is thicker than water,”

and I believed that meant something wonderful.

I can see that it can also mean that blood clings

to your skin long after water dries,

passing from something nourishing to something rancid,

like the way I admired you even though you wanted not to know me at all.

I tired of smiling from within your shadow, and when I slipped away unseen,

I found my own.

It was this blood oath of birth that I fixated on as a warrant for my loyalty,

not understanding that loyalty, like trust

is earned.

And so began the long erosion of respect,

for that, too, is really earned, yet I freely gave it,

bonded by our proximity in appearance,

in occasion,

in occurrence,

in timeline,

in lifetimes,

in family,

I expected the same from you.

My generosity my shortcoming,

I wonder if you ever

miss me.

I am not sure that

I miss you.

I missed not knowing you.

I missed not being involved with you.

I missed not being what I thought

we should be.

Now, it is just another death

of innocence,

of childhood,

of naiveté,

of inexperience,

of notions.

I chose to leave the hollows of misplaced ideals,

to dwell in a place of intention, and choice, and love created with direction,

realizing that some relationships, like some children,

are never born.

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2 comments on “Family

  1. sunshineonthesewertop says:

    wow.
    I truly connect with this piece and am impressed by your words.
    I love this piece.

  2. ejalvey says:

    Thank you so much, Sunshine o.t.s.t.

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